Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It

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"It had been hours since I ran at track practice that winter, but I hadn't bothered to shower, let alone change clothes. No, I didn't have time for that, because I had found the answer to my prayers.

This has to be it.
Eat all the fruit you want.
Never get fat.
Raw. Food. Diet."

Rachael Steil clocked in as an All-American collegiate runner; she became a girl clawing for a comeback on a 30-bananas-a-day diet. This year-long struggle with raw food ended when she realized she had to find her self-respect beyond her identity as a successful runner on a perfect diet. Running in Silence opens the door on the secret world of eating disorders. It provides vital insights for those who don't suffer from this disease and an honest and harrowing personal story for those who do. Steil challenges the stigma of eating disorders, looks past appearance, and dives into the heart of obsession.

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About the Author

Author Name : Rachael Steil

     Rachael Rose Steil graduated in 2015 from Aquinas College with a Bachelor of Arts in English. She is a level 1 USA track and field certified coach and is currently the assistant coach at Grandville High School. She has published articles about running and eating disorders in Michigan Runner magazine and is a speaker and advocate. Steil is a recipient of the Spirit and Outstanding Runner award for the Aquinas College cross country team and has received sixth place All-American accolades in cross country, as well as seventh place in the NAIA track nationals. Her greatest achievement was not breaking a physical barrier, but a mental one.

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In my Room long ago
I sat so merry in my abode
Loving hands around me
I dreamt of such glorious days
One day i would see

I remember the day I left
My room
I closed the door behind me
One quick look again
Then walked away
The room which would always remind me

The glorious days I had dreamt
I did merrily spent
How little did I then know
Life turns on a dime
My room is now not as it was
When I closed the door
Behind me

My room now is a prison
But not how one would invision
It is one of sorrow and grief
Sadness burns into the bare walls
I catch my breath
And weep

Why did thou'st doth betray?
The room which once embraced me
I ask with riddled heart
Jagged and torn
Which wicked riddles have I thus sought?

I sit still
I am now my room
No dreams as once before
I age before my open door

In my room long ago
I sat merrily in my loving abode
Loving hands did hold me
All gone

My room and myself
Now one
Two thrust to be together
Forever
Alone
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