Jokes

If your problems make you cry
You may take SSRI.

SSRI – selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. (e.g., Zoloft)

...

When I was a small boy, each time I saw a cute living thing, I tried to catch it and take it home. Years passed, and I am still the same, but I cannot afford it now, because once I took one home, she did not let me do it with the others.  

...

Caffeine's lethal dose is about 10 grams. One cup of coffee contains about 0.1 grams of caffeine.
So, you may have 98 cups more. 

...

The worst invention of humankind is the telephone. The best invention is the restriction order. 

...

A boy has been waiting by the elevator for a long time. The security guard is worried about the safety of the young boy. "Are you O.K?' " the guard asks the boy. "I'm just waiting for my gum to come back."...

Two Goldfish in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "How do you drive this thing?"...

Q. How do you turn a -Duck,  into a Soul singer?
A. You hold his face in boiling water until it's...Bill Withers!
...

Joy is a character in two of my books in the Suddenly Free series. She roasts her husband at a birthday party:

“George has been adventure to live with. I didn’t know it was going to happen, but George has been like appliances and other handy items that many wives possess, but they aren’t better than my George. For example:

“George is like a mascara—he makes me look good, but runs when I cry.” She looked down at him. He smiled back.

“George is like a copier—he’s been great at reproduction”. His adult children pushed and whacked each other. Someone hooted. George just applauded toward Joy, and raised his eyebrows.

“George is like a place mat. He shows up promptly when there's food on the table.

“George is like a pair of stiletto high heels—they look great on me,” Joy looked at him and winked, “and are very handy in an emergency.

“George is also like a curling iron—always hot and always in my hair.” She looked at Rev. Dunwoody, and said apologetically, with a shrug. “We’re married.”

“George is like coffee—the best ones are rich, warm, strong, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night. And he IS the best!”

...

Peter was walking near the gates of hell one morning. Lucifer noticed him and asked, "What the hell are you doing here?"...

If a parsley farmer is sued - can they garnish his wages?...
Book Of The Day
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Latest Poem

Countless things put together make us who we are

Perhaps what we’ve learned or things seen near and far

True or false learned from numerous varied sources

Or perhaps something seen travelling many courses

 

It has been my great pleasure to see some special lands

Majestic mountain vistas, Alberta’s haunting badlands

The vastness of the prairie with horizon never reached

The power of the ocean from a shell strewn beach

 

I’ve crossed giant rivers, walked beside the babbling brook

Seen the best and worst of nature seldom pictured in a book

The crags of mountain passes, topped by winter’s sparkling load

Miles and miles of wheat the sun and rain has turned to gold.

 

Acres and acres of deep green peas, topped by the pink of bloom.

Offset in midst of summer with bright yellow canola bloom

A patch-work quilt from nature and the work of many hands

Laid out in squares and diamonds across a great productive land.

 

The history of Bedford Basin, Louisbourg, Queenston Heights

Twenty four hours of daylight, mysterious northern lights

Beaver pelts to England to make all kinds of hats

And each spring the best of sugar boiled from Maple sap.

 

A strong beautiful stallion, head high, nostrils flared,

Eyes full of fire and danger as he guards his heard of mares

Several hundred cattle grazing the luscious grass

Or bedded in the shade to let the hot day pass.

 

Hundreds of pictures we catalogue as we go passing by

Let the good ones erase the bad, or at least let them try

Some of it we saw and some of it we learned.

Some good and some bad but somehow always earned.

 

There’s always strife and woe, you don’t need to hunt it up

Forget it, let it lay. You know there’s the rub

You may hate this or that but it’s all part of the way

You became who you are; what you are today.

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