Jokes

If your problems make you cry
You may take SSRI.

SSRI – selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. (e.g., Zoloft)

...

When I was a small boy, each time I saw a cute living thing, I tried to catch it and take it home. Years passed, and I am still the same, but I cannot afford it now, because once I took one home, she did not let me do it with the others.  

...

Caffeine's lethal dose is about 10 grams. One cup of coffee contains about 0.1 grams of caffeine.
So, you may have 98 cups more. 

...

The worst invention of humankind is the telephone. The best invention is the restriction order. 

...

A boy has been waiting by the elevator for a long time. The security guard is worried about the safety of the young boy. "Are you O.K?' " the guard asks the boy. "I'm just waiting for my gum to come back."...

Two Goldfish in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "How do you drive this thing?"...

Q. How do you turn a -Duck,  into a Soul singer?
A. You hold his face in boiling water until it's...Bill Withers!
...

Joy is a character in two of my books in the Suddenly Free series. She roasts her husband at a birthday party:

“George has been adventure to live with. I didn’t know it was going to happen, but George has been like appliances and other handy items that many wives possess, but they aren’t better than my George. For example:

“George is like a mascara—he makes me look good, but runs when I cry.” She looked down at him. He smiled back.

“George is like a copier—he’s been great at reproduction”. His adult children pushed and whacked each other. Someone hooted. George just applauded toward Joy, and raised his eyebrows.

“George is like a place mat. He shows up promptly when there's food on the table.

“George is like a pair of stiletto high heels—they look great on me,” Joy looked at him and winked, “and are very handy in an emergency.

“George is also like a curling iron—always hot and always in my hair.” She looked at Rev. Dunwoody, and said apologetically, with a shrug. “We’re married.”

“George is like coffee—the best ones are rich, warm, strong, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night. And he IS the best!”

...

Peter was walking near the gates of hell one morning. Lucifer noticed him and asked, "What the hell are you doing here?"...

If a parsley farmer is sued - can they garnish his wages?...
Book Of The Day
Publishers

Latest Poem

I pull myself out of their indifference 

God is laughing at their missing conscience... 

They’ll pray and speak their good intentions 

They’ll eat your soul with their knife and vengeance 


And we need a miracle to get out of this war 


His conscience gone and they called him soldier 

He pushed them out beyond their borders 

He gave his love for lustful murder 

He won their lives saved his confessions 


And we need a miracle to get out of this one 


He spoke to devils in tall buildings 

They praised him high for all his winnings

Their lives had drained into his laughter 

His graves are foolish for his collection 


There is no miracle to get out of this one 


On their graves lies their discretion 

Their souls are chained and lost direction 

He collects their bones with good intention 

And he lives on without detection 


And he trusts a miracle will get him out of this one 

He'll dig your grave if it makes a difference.... 

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