Jokes

Two Goldfish in a tank, one turns to the other and says, "How do you drive this thing?"...

Q. How do you turn a -Duck,  into a Soul singer?
A. You hold his face in boiling water until it's...Bill Withers!
...

Joy is a character in two of my books in the Suddenly Free series. She roasts her husband at a birthday party:

“George has been adventure to live with. I didn’t know it was going to happen, but George has been like appliances and other handy items that many wives possess, but they aren’t better than my George. For example:

“George is like a mascara—he makes me look good, but runs when I cry.” She looked down at him. He smiled back.

“George is like a copier—he’s been great at reproduction”. His adult children pushed and whacked each other. Someone hooted. George just applauded toward Joy, and raised his eyebrows.

“George is like a place mat. He shows up promptly when there's food on the table.

“George is like a pair of stiletto high heels—they look great on me,” Joy looked at him and winked, “and are very handy in an emergency.

“George is also like a curling iron—always hot and always in my hair.” She looked at Rev. Dunwoody, and said apologetically, with a shrug. “We’re married.”

“George is like coffee—the best ones are rich, warm, strong, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night. And he IS the best!”

...

Peter was walking near the gates of hell one morning. Lucifer noticed him and asked, "What the hell are you doing here?"...

If a parsley farmer is sued - can they garnish his wages?...

Der is a new police law called 1 plus 1 devided by square root nd ds law states dat if a boy is caught up by policeman walkin on street wif morethan 1 chick goes directly to prison nd dat smbdy maet face seriouz charges whch may smtyms results in lyf sentencing of abt 2 months....do u agree wif ds law?...

Teacher saw 1 student in class nt doing his wrk then student told teacher that the pen does nt write yet he doesn't knw what to write...

Lol.after Reading this I Didn't know weather to cry or to Laugh :'-( or ;'-D :Enjoy it.

A sick woman was lying on her sick bed with
her husband by
her side, she turns to the husband and said

WIFE : Honey, I have a confession to make...

HUSBAND : Save your strength my dear!

WIFE : [Cuts in] Nooo, I want to say it so that
when I die
my spirit will be at rest. I have been stealing
your
money and giving it to my boyfriend, You're
not the father of
our son
Junior, I was the one who stole your gold
wrist watch and hid it
in your sister's bag so that you'll drive her
away.. Please forgive
me

HUSBAND : I know all this, that's why I
poisoned you. Keep
calm Let the poison work :'-( or ;'-D

...

A Professor was traveling by boat. On his
way he asked Mosso:

“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology,
Geography, physiology?

Mosso said no to all his questions.

Professor: What the hell do you know on
earth. You will die of illiteracy.

After a while the boat started sinking.

Mosso: asked the Professor, do you know
swiminology & escapology from
sharkology?

The professor said no.

Mosso : “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy
will
eat your assology, headology & you will
dieology because of your mouthology.

...

Husband says:when i'm gone you'll never find another man like me..
Wife replied:what makes u thnk I'd want another man like u.....
Book Of The Day
Publishers

Latest Poem

I was alone

when I went searching

   for your face

in all the crowded bars

where love hides out

under an assumed name.

           

There were many other faces

decorated with whiskey smiles

   and anxious lips

ready to whisper

anything I wanted to hear

but never telling me

what I really

   needed to know.

 

Why do those faces

always look so desirable

   at night

and so terribly lonely

when the morning sun

invades my one-room world

and splashes across

   the tumbled bed?

 

I didn't know your name

   then

or even what you looked like.

But I recognized you

by the sadness

in your eyes.

   Or was it

the reflection

of my own

lonely stare?

(Excerpt from the “Sadness of Happy Times” by Lou Duro: www.louduro.com)

 

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